Why do we let fear hold us back? This is something that I think about so often in my life, I always thought that I was such a strong willed person, I mean, I moved to London from Wales nearly ten years ago with no more than a couple of suitcases, some god awful pots and pans and the enthusiasm to make a new life and I consider that to be pretty damn brave. But for the last year I've allowed fear to get the worst of me, especially when it has come to my career. After four years of hard work and graft I finally am at a point in my life where I don't have to worry about myself financially, I am completely debt free and it feels really, really good to say that. I am also at a place in my career and my blog where I am finally seeing the benefits of the late nights, the weekends, the holidays I've given up to work on my blog. The opportunities this blog have brought me have been beyond my imagination and quite honestly I am still at loss at to how lucky I am to have had these. But this has all not come without sacrifice, whilst I have been building my career with my blog I have still been working a 9-5 job for a university, commuting into central London every day, as well trying to find a balance for my normal life, like seeing friends, having time with Dan or even taking a honeymoon ( which we still haven't done)
This is the thing with blogging and social media, the parts of our lives that we curate are only small portions of what we goes on behind the scenes, and for the last year I have been like a duck on water, calm for the world to see but paddling frantically to stay a float beneath the water. Around the time of my wedding, my stress levels were through the roof, and it began to affect my health both mentally and physically I took on too much. Really, I should have made a choice there and then to either move forward with my career in blogging or reduce the amount of work I was putting on myself but I chose to just battle through and work myself to tears some nights all to make sure I didn't say no to anything.
There is no one to blame, other than me for this, I made the choice to stay in my 9-5 job. I made the choice to use all of my annual leave on blogging commitments and I made the choice to take on work that I knew was going to push me more than I should be pushed and that is all because of fear. Here's the truth:
What if I fail and mess it all up?
What if I can't make enough money to cover our rent?
What if I get back into the debt I worked so hard to get myself out of?
I don't know why I have so little faith in myself, but for some reason, making the decision to leap into blogging has been the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. The thought of the unknown has been enough to stunt me from taking the brave leap into freelancing. Dan fully supports me in every aspect of my life and I know deep down what I really want to do for me but it's just a matter of doing it.
It will involve some serious thinking, planning and working but believe you me January will be a fresh new start for me, one where I take control of my life and own my decisions. 2017 will not be a year of fear, it will be a year of success in what ever I choose to do.
Wish me luck.
WHAT I AM WEARING
Cord Pinafore - Dorothy Perkins Plus
Shoes - Primark