The shame game

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The UK is buzzing around the topic of plus size and obesity, and on Tuesday I made my debut  on  the Plus Sized Wars documentary on channel 4 about plus size fashion and my role as a blogger in the industry. As this topic is highly emotive people had some things to say, some very positive and some extremely negative. Sadly there are people that cross the line from opinionated to down right cruel and have felt the need to express their disgust in someone of my size. 

Today I wanted to share my personal story in the hopes that I can be looked at as a person and not an obesity statistic or a bad role model.
Ask most overweight women and they will tell you that they have spent most of their lives on diets, I certainly did. Growing up I was a small sized child, but then at around 8 or 9 years old I developed severe asthma, I was put on steroids and I slowly but surely I got bigger. and it became obvious to me even though my Nana the next best thing to a mum to me, told me I just had puppy fat that I was beautiful and perfect. By the time I hit my teens I was a grown in all the right places and had to start wearing a bra earlier than most of my friends in high school, I was most certainly fatter than all my friends but they never made me feel different even though I knew I was. I had the occasional nasty comment about my size some more hurtful than others but I was lucky to grow up mostly with nice people that I hope saw me for more than just my weight. However I still hated myself, I couldn't wear the clothes that all my friends did, they shopped in Tammy Girl and I shopped in Etam and I would cry to my nan that I felt fat and she would again hold me and tell me that I was beautiful, she was like this best friend that loved me just as I was and for a second she would make me forget. Then one Monday before I was about to head off to school my Nana had a heart attack, she was a smoker and couldn't stop, that following Sunday she died and I never really got to say goodbye. I was 13 and for days I didn't get out of bed, My Nana was the matriarch of our family and when she died everyone fell apart, I felt alone and I turned to food as a comfort to fill a hole and my weight increased.

Over the years I built an obsession with wanting to lose weight, I tried lots of things including starving myself, then binge eating and hiding the packets at the side of the sofa, I tried to make myself sick but that didn't work out because I hated the feeling of being sick. I went on the cabbage soup diet, the no bread diet, I took slimming pills from Holland and Barrett and became obsessed with gym. I lost a significant amount of weight for my cousins wedding and when people saw my weight loss they praised me and it felt oddly good, like for once I had achieved the end goal, until it went straight back on. In reality, when I look back I wasn't even as fat as I thought I was,

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Fast forward a few years to University and I was looking forward to starting afresh, yet I still took those troublesome thoughts with me and my weight issues only grew. Drinking made me put on more weight and I was back again being the fat friend of my new group. Boys had no interest in me, that had always been the way, I always felt used when someone did actually pay me attention but nothing ever came of it because I was never girlfriend material for them - I was too fat.

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Then in 2008 whilst working at my part time job a guy came up to me and asked me out, he was really nice and kind, he asked me on a date and nearly 7 years we are still together. Dan taught me that I would be who I was and still be loved, that it didn't matter what size I was or how much I weighed because he just loved me for who I was, but even that couldn't stop my weight obsession. Over the years I joined slimming clubs and then started drinking laxative teas. We stopped eating out to save calories and my obsession with food value made me cry when ever I indulged. I made a diet diary to share with everyone to shame myself into losing weight , it worked for a while until one day, the scales showed a gain and I broke down. Dan sat me down and told me he was worried and I realised the extent to my obsession. That day I got rid of the blog and made a new one I called it From the corners of the curve, I started reading other blogs like Gabi Fresh and Arched Eyebrow's and my eyes were opened to this world where girls of my sizes were living their lives enjoying fashion and being happy. I decided I wanted a piece of happiness and started documenting my life, my holidays and my new found love for fashion and soon it got noticed . Before I knew it I was being asked to model in a campaign for Evans for a plus size line. It was picked up in press by media outlets I ended up in Vogue Italia with the other girls involved and my blog grew and grew.

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You are most likely wondering why I feel the need to share this with you and why it matters. It matters because health isn't always physical, mental health is just as important and the years of dieting and punishment on myself caused my damage than good. Yo yo dieting has caused a number of issues for me and ultimately made me bigger than I ever really was. Articles are being written about the plus size bloggers as though we are setting a bad example by promoting obesity when we aren't. I have never said HEY I'M FAT COME BE FAT WITH ME, all I have said is love yourself no matter what.

Everyone deserves to live a happy and fulfilled life no matter what their size, and believe me we are not ignorant to health risks because that is something which is shoved in our faces daily by our family, friends and strangers. People lack basic empathy and that's because they don't understand there are more reasons to weight gain and obesity than simple greed, some people are ill, some people are taking medicines which cause weight gain and some people have mental issues behind why they eat. It's not as black and white as people may think.  People also shouldn't be treated any less if they choose not to be healthy, health is not a moral obligation.
So instead of today judging someone on how they look, try and look at them as a person and not an obesity statistic like the likes of Jamelia who thinks people under and over the 'normal average' don't deserve  access to nice clothes.

I am that obese person and I deserve to live a happy life no matter what my choices whether that be weight loss or not and no nasty tweet or shaming article written will change that.