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Thursday, 16 May 2013

Having my cake and eating it.



This morning I did something that I don't normally do, I got into an argument with an offensive fat hating person on twitter. Much of our debate surrounded the fact that he thought I should lose weight for my health, that I am unhealthy, not attractive and that some how if I lose weight my life will be better. There were also some words like 'Rhino' thrown about which shows what kind of person he was. As you know I spoke openly before about how hard I found dealing with negative, abusive comments about my weight. Many of you said don't listen, ignore them, they are idiots. I know that all of the above is right but sometimes you just want to get angry about it, and sometimes you want to answer back. Today was that day. It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable with myself and to take those comments on the chin. It was nearly a year ago that I started this blog, and I started researching plus size blogs, it was then that I found blogs such as Gabi Gregg, Nicolette Mason and Bethany Rutter. It was then that my ideas of beauty were challenged. That I could still be successful, attractive and happy and be fat. Gabi's Fatkini post stuck with more than most. I was due to go on holiday to Barbados and was worried of how I would look in swimwear.When I saw that Gabi created the concept of a Fatkini as a way to own the fact that she could wear what she wanted in the summer and still feel good it made me really think. Just because society doesn't think fat people should wear bikini's it doesn't mean she wont or we shouldn't.

Since that moment when I got my own Fatkini something changed in me, I felt empowered that I didn't have to justify my body to anyone. That I could wear a bikini on holiday and look fucking hot (Dan's words)

This changed my whole outlook on how I dress, how I behave and how I talk to other girls who are going through the same thing. Today I didn't hold back on telling some guy on twitter that I am worth more than my size, that I don't have to justify my size or my health to anyone. That if I want to stay fat or get fatter that is my prerogative. I also wanted to tell him why he was wrong, treat it as a opportunity to teach him something. Firstly how to have manners, secondly to challenge his ignorance with facts. This is a message to anyone reading my blog... don't hold back in having your say, challenge people's ignorance, be proud of who you are no matter what size you are. You are a human being with feelings, you are entitled to your opinion as is the person who made the comments this morning. Use your voice to make a change and put a stop to sizeist bullshit.

To anyone who agrees with these fat hating views please enjoy some pictures of me eating cake... after all that is what all fat people do isn't it? Mmmm CAKE.



53 comments:

  1. You are gorgeous and that guy was just a troll that can't possibly like himself. I wish I had your confidence, and I hope that one day no matter what my size I will have it! :) x

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  2. Good on you girl! I'm a big girl and am still not 100% happy with myself but reading posts from inspirational people like you make me know that one day I will be! I saw the comments and got so angry but until I knew I was ok with my own size I felt I couldn't argue my case! Thanks for being you and for giving bigger girls a role model to look up to! :)

    Adele-Marie xx

    Adele-Marie | One Girls Obsession With Makeup

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  3. You know what at the end of the day if people are truly concerned about your weight, they will find a much nicer way of saying that. For one a stranger does not need to come for you reagarding this. Friends and Family who have a legit reason to be worried fine with me. Strangers don't know you, strangers have no idea what you've been through. But in the end, you have to love what you have regardless if it's a 2 or a 22.

    I'm plus size, and I know that my weight is killing me. This isn't the same for every plus woman. I worry everyday...that something will go wrong because for the past 3 years of being diabetic it's always something. If it's not freaking out about a black spot on my foot, to migranes, to my feet swelling (high blood pressure) or being on medication...a lot of it just to keep me alive my weight struggle is my own, and nobodies business really except for my mom, and my grandpa who don't want to see me sick. It's different for everybody but at the end of the day all that matter is that you love yourself. People still IMO aren't ready to see the new face of plus size, adorning out bodies with beautiful clothes going to the beach in a two piece, wearing a crop top. They still tend to think that we all need to look a certain way and that we need to cover ourselves and I think this what the issue is...thats it's their issues not ourse.

    Again i think it's totally out of space for people on twitter, and social media to tell you how to live, if they are so concerned send an email, or shut the fuck up. This is the same with shaming skinny girls. I have a co-worker she is a size 4, her entire family is small, she eats like a garbage disposal she doesn't gain. She walks everywhere out of habit because she doesn't really like the bus, she is new to the city and doesn't like public transit and doesn't have a care, and she runs to keep some cardio in her life. Well another co-worker sees fit to tell her she needs a sandwich or a burger in front of groups of people all the time. She basically tells her she everything but gross. I'm basically red with anger at that point for my friend who is really sweet, and who's an amazing person. I mean hell she is practically my BFF in the office and she has never ever said a thing about my weight, or made me feel bad. I mean we talk about food all the time, we search for recipes, we share lunches if it's really delicious.

    But I think that again we live in a society were everything that isn't skinny blonde and tall is "exotic" "not normal" "different" and that includes bigger people. Some of us don't give a shit about what people think we should wear, how we should look at the beach. I see it everyday on twitter men who almost are never attractive shaming bigger women for being confident. "big woman always have the most confidence confused face" ...they go right the fat comments if they want to hurt your feelings. I see this from time to time and I always address them! Why should we have to hide, and be depressed? Anyway kudos on this article!! and you're gorgeous! I've seen you talking about diets and things lately and I love it. Don't conform and if you ever feel the need to change I'm almost certain it will be for you and not others. I can tell just by your attitude which is so badass I might add.


    Elle
    Eat.Style.Play

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  4. Ace post! It's all well and good people saying "just ignore them" and obviously holding on to anger is never good, but you are totally right - Sometimes you just gotta get mad, tell them and then move on feeling better.

    I noticed this guy said "Remind me never to talk about fat girls again. My mentions are a mess" - I'm glad he was annoyed by peoples responses. If he could see that people were angry and weren't going to take it lying down, that's a good thing. Talking about other people as if they are barely even human is utterly disgusting.

    Picture of you eating cake... AMAZING! xxx

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    1. Exactly Gem, there is a time and a place to let things go and there are times when you want to be like NO, what you are doing is wrong. xxx

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  5. Argh, can I punch him on your behalf? I really hate and honestly cannot understand the ignorance behind people who have such blinkered and completely unrealistic views of 'fat people'. I could argue with them until I'm blue in the face. I get that some people are just trolls and want to say something rude so it will all kick off, but there are people who genuinely think that everyone got fat by sitting on the couch eating crisps and cake and doing no exercise. It scares me the amount of people who think like that and also worries me that we're fighting a losing battle trying to open their eyes to their ignorance. They do not believe a 'fat' person can be fit, can be healthy and can be happy. I've been thin and fat and it's now that I'm the biggest I've ever been that I feel most accepting of my body. I can honestly say I'm no happier or sadder than when I was thin, my weight will never dictate my happiness and shouldn't for anyone. As for other peoples opinions of me, well that's something that they're going to think regardless and you just have to rise above it I guess or like you say try and change their view.

    I know how much it knocks you when you get negative comments like that, I had one myself last week on my blog which I didn't bother to publish as it was so rude and filled with hate about my size, my character and what I spend money on! It hurt at the time but you have to move past it and think of all the lovely comments you get. I think you look and are fabulous x x x

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  6. well yes no-one should be able to preach to you as to how you live your life but people do.and not just on this issue.People are judged for any bit of behaviour outside of societal norms-drinking,smoking,taking drugs.But i don't see many blogs about those being written especially with such a live and let live perspective.
    I'm not saying i disagree with your point and i do think you should be allowed to live without interference but labelling people wrong or ignorant for not agreeing with you makes you no better than them.

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    1. To be fair the person that this article relates to is ignorant and very rude, all he did was throw insults at everyone, its one thing to have an opinion but another to just be rude.

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    2. I guess my feeling is that when responding to pieces of work that we shouldn't sink to their level especially with time after to prepare rather than anything said in the heat of the moment.
      Like it or not, the writer has chosen to represent a group which the current societal trend is to berate (and done so quite well i may add) and once you're in said position there is a certain amount of turning the other cheek involved.

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    3. But by ignoring the comments which were unjust, rude, uncalled for and with quite frankly no evidence to back up the points, we are allowing for the person to get away with their actions. Comments like Rhino or Slag as I saw later on the timeline are not okay. I am fine with people not agreeing with my body! In fact some family members still say they think I should lose weight for my health. The issue we are addressing here is the opinion is based apon a persons body. My body, your body is not anyone else's property. I appreciate your comments and I hope you can try to understand why this angered so many people

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    4. summer is mine16 May 2013 at 11:44

      I actually agree with "commentisfree" in regards to responding to the comments that were made.

      The person that made the comment is what myself and my friends call "twitter famous." They aren't actually famous, although they have big egos due to their thousand or so followers on twitter.

      People like this feed off making controversial comments. They love it. He was probably sat behind his computer screen laughing. After things have cooled down, i doubt he'd even give what was said a second thought. I see it all the time on twitter.

      Imo, ignoring such comments doesn't mean you're "allowing for the person to get away with their actions." The person clearly does not and still does not care about his actions and who was offended. Next month he'll probably be tweeting about "fatties" again.

      I guess it's all about picking one's battles, but I wouldn't have entertained this battle myself.

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    5. sorry i just went to check your twitter to read the original argument to find out more about this person and he was as described.

      i did notice this tweet
      "< Sigh > Anonymous commenter making no valid points. Apparently I'm as ignorant by challenging his opinion."

      i hope i'm just feeling sensitive today and that's not related to me because that seems a bit unreasonable...

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    6. No you are right, I did firstly read your comment and I guess I felt that you were more on the side of the man in question, I didn't mean anything by that and if you look shortly after I wrote this @CallieThorpe: Actually strike that the commenter didn't say they disagreed with me but I want them to know my comment about the persons ignorance was not unwarranted. You are right, you weren't invalid in your points however I suppose I hoped you had already read the twitter feed before. I guess that the idea of my post was to make a fun hearted response to handling comments like that with the whole me eating cake so found it hard to understand why my stance was wrong. I appreciate your comments even it they are of an opposing opinion, I always see these things as a opportunity to learn something. I meant no offence! Xx

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    7. see this is exactly why i have always enjoyed your blog as i feel you are always available for a free exchange of opinions whether you agree with people or not.plus you always look great...

      sorry if i seemed in anyway like the man in question.that really is the last thing im aiming for.

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  7. Just bought a fatkini this weekend at Forever 21+! I took a photo of myself in it and I look damn good - now I just need the confidence to wear it out. You look totally amazing :)

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    1. Yayyy! I bet you look gorgeous!!! xx

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  8. I really admire and envy girls like you, I'm not plus size but my day is spent self hating, my thighs are too big, my cellulite is revolting, my bingo wings too wobbly etc etc-u get the picture, and its bloody exhausting-I hate being like it. I also hate the ridiculously bad relationship I have with food-I eat a biscuit and beat myself up mentally about doing it. To be rid of the self hate and guilt I associate with food would be totally liberating and I only wish I could love myself for who I am and feel comfortable in my own skin. I truly hope that by reading blogs like these and surrounding myself with such positive influences I will, one day, get there. Keep it up-you are an inspiration xx

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  9. You look bloody amazing in that beach photograph - I agree that you should ignore idiots like that guy on Twitter but sometimes they just need bringing down a peg because there's having an alternative opinion and there's being down right wrong! You're beautiful, I loved this post more than anything, and now I REALLY want some cake.

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  10. Bit of a lurker and first time commenter on your blog.

    I hate fat haters with a passion. I sometimes get a bit paranoid, especially when my self confidence is at a low. Try and avoid walking past a group of "lads" when out and about. And most of the time, I worry over nothing.
    So the other week I was leaving a gig and walking to the tube station with my friend this tramp piped up and said "fatty needs to lose some weight". My usual response would have been something like "Fuck off and get a job" but I guess because I was expecting it and I was on such a high after the gig, I just bowed my head and pretended I didn't hear anything. Both my friend and I knew we did though.
    So my point is why should we ignore those people who feel the need to point out that yes, we are on the larger side? Why not stand our ground? Won't ignoring them just make them think it's okay?

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    1. Well firstly I want you to know that I have been through that same experience, been shouted at in the street and outside clubs and I too have just pretended like it didn't happen. I'm not sure how I would handle that now, I suppose it's easy to get angry and answer back over the safety of the Internet, but deep down I know that the right thing to do is stand up and put that person in place! You don't deserve to get abused like that, sadly that person is in a bad place, they have no home so they are projecting their anger on easy targets. So I guess my answer is yes we should challenge it and not ignore! You are a beautiful person don't let anyone make you feel bad! Xx

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    2. Haha well thanks. I love your blog I only recently started reading it. I still never know how to react and it doesn't happen often at all but when it does it kind of just stumps you.
      Anyway, keep up the good work! I really enjoy it and maybe see you round london some time :) x

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  11. Another great, inspiring post! I'm glad you stuck up for yourself. I need to take some pointers. I love your fatkini pics too ;) xx

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  12. You are beautiful and inspirational. I just want you to know that it is people like you and Gabi that inspired me to start writing my own style blog - without you guys as role models, I never would have had the guts to do it! Keep on being wonderful. <3 P.s. You do indeed look "fucking hot" in that bikini photo!

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  13. Ah, you are amazing Callie! It's women such as yourself who help me hold my head a little higher. I have actually found that I very rarely get those sort of negative comments now that I have accepted who I am and don't give two shits what people think about my size, or what I am wearing. Even though I am a size 20, I eat healthy, exercise, and haven't been sick in 10 years, but some haters wouldn't know that because they only judge a book by it's cover. And the comment that you are ugly... dude be tripping! Fight the good fight sister!

    P.S, I noticed you are a receptionist. Where the fuck does someone with boobs and hips buy conservative office clothes in London?

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  14. You are so bloody gorgeous, inside and out! x

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  15. Most of my life I've put up with stupid, thoughtless and hurtful comments from family, friends and strangers - we've all heard them probably. You'd look pretty if you lost weight (some old woman in a shop, who I'd never met) / Your bum should have its own post code (my brother) / You look normal on top, but your bottom half is screwed up (My best friend) Strange thing is, I've had comments like these whether I was a size 12, as I was in my teens, or size 20 as I am now. I agree with you challenging this man. As a society we challenge racism and sexism, why should we not challenge fat bigotry? I wish I could go back and give my 14 year old self the confidence she needed to accept that she was a beautiful and curvy woman, and deal with the haters

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    1. Amen!! Damn right we should challenge fat bigotry, sometimes I wish I could too, I would have saved myself from so many miserable times! xx

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  16. I remember your fatkini picture on Pampers and curves a long time before I followed this blog and thought you rocked. I work with kids and I get told how fat I am a lot, to which I always reply yes and fabulous never forget that! and do you know what I totally believe it, these days.
    However, the troll is a sad man who believes a woman is like an object and should be what he wants to project on to them. Do you know what buy a blow up doll and kiss my ass, cos I don't need your approval.

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    1. Oh goodness me Children are so honest and open, I have had that before, I don't think they mean harm! You are right we are not objects for approval! Thanks for your comment#! <3

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  17. I can't believe some of the crap that guy was spouting, why anyone feels the need to spout such vitriol is beyond me. He's clearly a very sad and disturbed person. Goon on you for fighting back, you are GORGEOUS! x

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  18. Your so incredibly beautiful and I say this from the heart. You inspire me to write my blog :)

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  19. I love this and I love the cake and I love you! Such an amazing response to something potentially negative. Your beaming smile in every photo shows how happy you are - keep doing what makes you feel that amazing <3

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  20. Hi Callie, great post. l honestly think this guy is a complete tool who should keep his views to himself. This world would be a really shitty place if we all looked the same. Im glad we all come in different shapes and sizes colour etc. I like people who are funny, intellegent and see people for who they are on the inside. No one has the right to spew such crap and think on all the beautiful plus size ladies he will miss out on eh stupid fool.
    You are a very pretty girl and let no man take that away from you. Your lucky you have a job, Dan and many friends who adore you for who you are plus you can eat cake when you want to, your life is blessed. so please enjoy it and let no mark worry about shit his life is as he must be miserable if he is trying to bring someone else down when there is no need to. I have a theory that he has been dumped by a plus size lady. Good luck and all the best.

    Susanne.x

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    1. Awwww Susanne, what you wrote was just so so kind! I just wanted to stand up this time and say no to that kind of behavior, I know I am by no means perfect but I try my best to be a good person, and my size is irrelevant especially to that guy! Thanks so much for reading and commenting It means a lot to me! <3

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    2. Im glad you did stand up for yourself, im so sick of people thinking because we carry a bit of weight, we are stupid and dont have feelings like anyone else. l would just like to say l think its great that you and the other plus size bloggers are helping other plus sizers to be proud of themselves. You all under estimate the impact you all have on society, your a putting it out there its ok to be big. I meet so many overweight people who are so under confident because society keeps telling us its not ok to be big it makes me sad as they are just a beautiful as the size 10 lady down the road.
      I went to the doctors and got the normal you need to loose the fat talk and she had the cheek to say i mean your husband might lose interest in you if you stay this size. I prompty said back I love myself no matter what size I am and my husband loves me no matter what size I am and if he didnt like it then he could take a hike as this is who I am, her mouth nearly hit the floor.Id like to see her size after having 5 kids.
      So Callie thank you for your blog as it will help those of us ladies who arent so confident. Susanne.x

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  21. You are so inspiring! Every post keeps getting better and better. Don't let other people bring you down, you are beautiful!

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    1. wow that is such a lovely thing to say, I love writing my blog and am so appreciative of the readers! thank you so much <3 xx

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  22. Ughs hate people like him! I'm very very proud you handled it with such grace, and maturity, unlike him.... Thanks for the empowering message that is sure likely to inspired many women out there that are struggling with body image. Love you! And I really like that bikini in the first picture... beauitful!

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  23. Fantastic blog post. After being on a diet for all my life I'm struggling to be happy with my body. Your inspiring words may not cure me but definitely makes me feel better I know I shouldn't let nasty words affect me. You look amazing in your bikini, he's obviously a sad lonely prick! Haters gonna hate hey!

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    1. I have been the same Amy, diets only lead to further self hate. You will get where you want to be in time, trust me! <3

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  24. I have never understood how people think it is there right to comment on anybodys appearance. They wouldn't go up to somebody and say "You're just the right size" so why do they feel the need to go up to somebody and say "You are too fat"??
    I have been on a permanent diet since I was 12 and I have probably never been happy because of it. I was told I was too fat to get pregnant - 2 months later the test was positive! I was then told that because I was fat I would have a big baby (prepare yourself for anything over 10lbs were the actual words the midwife used) and that I would need an assisted delivery due to it. Fast forward 9 months and my gorgeous little boy was born - straightforward natural delivery weighing a respectable 7lb 13oz!!!! Yes I know that being overweight can cause problems with pregnancy/labour etc but these problems can happen to anybody and why do they not tell the people who are a "normal" weight these things???
    I love reading your blog and am currently eating a bacon sandwich whilst writing this - nom nom nom!!!!!

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    1. People like to assume that being overweight is the cause for every illness, and sometimes that just isn't the case. I am sorry that you were told all those things, but it just goes to show that you managed to bring a happy and healthy baby into the world with no complications as they suggested!
      Thanks so much for reading my blog it means so much to me!!! Also YES to Bacon Sarniessss!! mmm xxx

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  25. You make eating cake look sexay! Love the swim suit too! :)

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  26. Why can't folk just live and let live? You look gorgeous in the photo's, both on here and in the Evans promo's. You have such a lovely, smiley face and what I wouldn't give to have a drop of your skin colouring! xx

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  27. It's been so nice to watch your acceptance journey Callie! Haters gunna hate and all that. xxx

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  28. All of this bathing suit love for plus size girls is really inspiring me to, yanno, actually buy one. I haven't owned a bathing suit in... Oh, easily 5 or 6 years.

    http://plush-plum.com - a plus(h) size fashion blog
    Recent post: White Picks from eShakti!

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  29. you actually are gorgeous and hot and that has nothing to do with size. The only picture on my blog where I eat has been even taken to court and someone told me 'don't eat too much' after seeing that picture. I believe that shaming fat people when they eat is the worst thing one can do, that is where most of the eating disorders come from. Anyway, in my experience the worst haters are from the plus size community itself, but no matter how the hater looks like, usually he/she is always a person who feels bad about him/herself because nobody who has self confidence needs to bully others.

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  30. It makes me so angry to hear that someone criticized you for being a stunningly gorgeous, curvy woman. I'm not sure why being "fat" is akin to committing a crime for some people. Please disregard anything that idiot said. You are perfect. Also, totally an inspiration for me! XO

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