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Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Welcome to my new and improved Blog.

When I began writing this blog over 4 months ago I was writing from what I thought was a good place. I decided to write openly and publicly about my journey to lose weight. I had an over whelming amount of support from my friends on Facebook and other fellow 'slimming worlders'. I posted weekly about how I felt with losing and gaining weight and I really began to feel in control I was losing nearly every week things were  great, but soon I began to fall back into old habits and the old feelings of failure swept back in. I have only just realised that even telling the entirety of my Facebook and Twitter did not make losing weight any easier, in fact I then began to feel like even more of a failure when I didn't lose due to the pressure of everyone expecting something of me.

As I wrote in my previous post for a long time I have not felt comfortable in my own skin. No matter how many times my boyfriend or best friends tell me that I look beautiful it never really skins in. I have spoken a lot about the fact that I wear a great deal of black clothes, this became shockingly obvious to me when I was looking back at some very special occasions in my life.

In every single photo below I am wearing black. My Graduation, 21st Birthday, Prom and my 18th.

I know we all love a little black dress but I take it to another extreme. In all honesty I don't follow fashion as much as my other friends mainly because I don't think I could pull any of it off. It was then that I came across a number of blogs where girls of all sizes write posts of themselves in fashionable and beautiful clothes. They talk about body confidence and being happy in their own skin. I know that is one thing I am not. 

I think until I can learn to even like myself then the losing weight and being happy will never really work. I realise now that I have written a few fat shaming posts about myself. I am fat. Cannot believe I just said that! But I am, I have spent most of life saying it to myself in the mirror nut secretly hoping that all my friends and people I meet don't think it. Quite frankly I was hoping that making the diet blog would help me to lose weight and I would be really happy. I now see that I have to be kind to myself and let weight loss come from a happy place. I have now decided to try and wear more colour, write about things that interest me as oppose to focusing everything in my life on losing weight. I will even use my money on buying myself nice clothes, shoes beauty products instead of spending money on diet food.

I will not give up on healthy eating but I also will not punish myself when I am not perfect on my diet. Actually strike that there is no more diet! I am on a healthy eating plan, So here's to the day when I can look in the mirror and like what I see! I hope that you will continue to follow my posts, and thank you for taking the time to read this today.



11 comments:

  1. Wow, well done kidda. An overwhelmingly honest post. Guessing a hard post to write as well.

    MWAH

    x

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  2. Thank you!! Yeh I guess it was difficult I was surprisingly emotional, I suppose it is hard to finally face the things that get you down! But it's only up from here! Thanks again for reading! xx

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  3. What a beautifully honest and brave post, I will tell you it is a very tough journey to body acceptance but it is more than worth it. Once you stop worrying about your body you begin to live life to its fullest and see everything in a totally different light, including fashion! Good luck from the bottom of my heart, its gonna be a long journey but you deserve happiness with yourself. If you want any help with resources at any time let me know... I think the first port of call I found helpful was getting hold of Linda Bacon's "Health at Every Size" a truly eye-opening and revolutionary book for me when I had been stuck in the dieting hell for so long! xxx

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  4. Mel, thank you for this lovely response. I think you are right I will see life differently. I spend lots of time in my house in front of the tv, avoiding going out putting it down to the fact 'I was on a diet' I am exited to wear nice clothes! I will look this book up on my kindle.

    Thank you so much I am sure I will need help along the way and would love the help and support from like minded beautiful ladies! <3 x x x

    ps love your blog!! xxx

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  5. This is the best thing you could do for yourself and I have huge respect for you! Keep up the honestly, reflection and positivity!
    xx

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  6. Thanks Bethany! I do hope you know you played a big part in my change of heart! Lots of the bloggers I have come across have really helped me see things from a different perspective. x x

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  7. Honey:

    You are gorgeous!

    Get out there, get some nice, bright, fun clothes and live your life.

    You are young. Don't let your weight keep you from doing anything that inspires you to do.

    Never, ever wait to be a certain weight before you do..... (fill in the blank).

    I know that, right now, I am on a slippery slope with my weight and my health is suffering from it. That is what I'm working on now.

    I do not now nor did I ever feel inferior to anyone because of my weight.

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  8. Tovah, your comment has singlehandly made my morning. I really appreciate you saying those things to me and you are right no one should feel like that they can't wear what they want because of their weight I hope that you will continue to follow my blog so you will see the changes I intend to make with my self!
    More colour!! More confidence!
    Have a beautiful day!

    Callie x x x

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  9. Oh my gosh.

    That just makes me feel so good.

    Can't wait to see you in some beautiful colors.

    Tovah

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  10. I had to comment on this when I read it! I started slimming world a couple years ago, lost quite a lot of weight but slowly I've put some of it back on. I too started my blog as a weight loss blog to chart my success but when that success was failure (I suppose I shouldn't really see it as failure) it made be feel so much worse. My weight loss blog didn't last long before I realised it wasn't going to help me, my life couldn't and really shouldn't be all about what my next meal was going to be or how many syns I'd had that day. God knows I love slimming world, it gave me a way to learn to eat healthier and lose weight but I have decided now that I can't let it run my life. I've decided to try and stop seeing it as a way to weight loss and start seeing it as just the way I live and eat, in a healthy fulfilling life. I know I'll never truly be 100% happy with myself until I'm a size 12 (which is the goal that I've always gotten so close to then let it slip away!) but I decided that I was fed up of waiting to be happy, I firmly believe that confidence and happiness is a choice, whatever situation you're in you are the only person who can put a smile on your face. Since I got that past my thick skull I genuinely started to feel happier, the blogging community has been a big help with this! I've met so many lovely and gorgeous people (you being one of them) and really learnt that (as cliché as this might sound) there is so much beauty no matter what your size and I've learnt that people don't care about your size or your shape, it's how you present it and how you come across on your blog (genuine, nice or not) that matters, and that goes for size 6-60000 lol. Sorry for that essay! But yes, be confident and choose to be happy! You are gorgeous! xxx

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  11. I just found your blog tonight, and I do believe it was for a reason. I completely agree with everything you've said about finding a happy place in order to loose weight in a healthy and positive way. I hope that you know that you are gorgeous, no matter what size you are or what size you want to be! You can do this! Thanks for this post, it help me realize things within myself also.

    xoxoxo
    Ariel

    http://littlelion-girl.blogspot.com/

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